Broken

It is almost December and in our home the preparations for celebrating the birth of our Savior have begun with decorating. I do love decorating during special seasons of the year, but in all honesty I can't take too much clutter for too long. As I pull out the boxes of decorations each year for Christmas I tend to pick and choose what I want to use that year. And then pack away or part with the rest. Of course there are those special decorations that I hope to keep and display every year. Little did I know that this year, I would not have to choose anything to purge, instead, several decorations would break, unrepairable, making it easier to part with them.

It began with the ornaments. My daughter, nearly three, was a great help with the task of decorating the tree this year. It was a sweet time together, as her little brother napped, for us to listen to Christmas music and for me to teach her how to hang the ornaments. We were not too far into decorating when I heard the first shatter... it was a glass ball my husband and I had bought on a special trip around the time of our first wedding anniversary. “Oh no!” my voice rang as I turned to see the shattered ball and pick up the pieces. As I held them in my hand I couldn't think of how it would be possible to piece it back together. It was so broken. I even had a flashback of one Christmas as a child when our tree fell over and my mom lost so many of her special ornaments. I can still see her crying beneath the tree as she gathered the pieces of a collection from many years of sweet memories. I haven't collected many sweet ornaments handcrafted by my children's little hands yet, but O how I can imagine her heartache that day. I'm only a few years into being a mommy, so we are still dealing mostly with glittery balls and plastic snowflakes... nothing serious yet. “It's just an ornament.” I reminded myself. And turned to my daughter assuring her it was an accident and no big deal. Then I tossed it.

And, yes, as the day went on there were a couple more ornaments and a beautiful angel with broken wings whose fate was the same. There was also a small tree in a clay pot that bit the dust while I was away and the kids were playing with dad. In retrospect, it really was in a bad, unrealistic location with two sets of feet always swiftly running by the table I sat it on. When I came home Ken had laid it with the rest of our collection of broken decorations on the kitchen counter. We had quite an impressive collection! He had pieced it and the others back together with glue while I was gone. It was his sweet way of trying to fix it and I really appreciated his love and thoughtfulness in that. But when we examined the finished product together... we laughed! It was comical that way the cracks and imperfections were so visible with glue seeping through. Although I cherished his attempt, it too was beyond repair.

And so, as I sit staring at the collection of broken things on my kitchen counter with their cracks and flimsy attempts to be made whole again it is all too clear what God is teaching me in this moment. I was broken. A mess. In need of a Savior. Needing to be pieced back together. Needing forgiveness and restoration.

And there was Jesus.

Christmas is not about pretty decorations or stressing myself over buying the perfect gifts. Decorations and gifts aren't bad, but should simply add to the season. Instead, Christmas is about the gift God gave us when Christ was born. The gift of a Savior. God sent his son, Jesus, into a broken world, to a broken people so that we could receive the gift of forgiveness, be made whole by Him and in Him and be able to fellowship with God both now and for eternity.

Zacchaeus, a chief tax collector and wealthy man, was curious about Jesus. He quickly came down from a tree (that he climbed hoping to see Jesus) when the Lord called out to him, by name, and he gladly welcomed the Lord into his home. He knew he was broken, sin in his life, and so he joyfully opened his home to the Lord because he knew who Jesus was. He knew Jesus loved him despite his sin and he knew he was the Messiah. And because he knew he was the Savior, he received him to lodge not only in his house but also in his heart. And it is in this story, that Jesus tells his purpose in coming into a broken world:

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10

Broken... that was me before I came to know the love of Christ. Just like trying to piece my silly little decorations back together I can exhaust all efforts in trying to put myself back together. None will do justice. In fact, I sometimes laugh at how pitiful it turns out when I try to do it on my own. Instead, I can bow before a Savior who heals brokenness in the most complete way... leaving no staggering edges or cracked seams, but wholly fills me and washes away all sin and blemish. I am blameless, spotless in the eyes of my Savior. That is his work in me, not my own. And I pray my focus during Christmas will be to bow before, adore and praise the Son of Man who came to seek and save me... and you.

I love the words to this song. It is the cry of my heart this Christmas season.

O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining, 


It is the night of the dear Savior's birth. 


Long lay the world in sin and error pining. 


Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.


A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, 
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. 


Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices! 


O night divine, O night when Christ was born.

Truly He taught us to love one another, 


His law is love and His gospel is peace. 


Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. 


And in his name all oppression shall cease. 


Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, 


Let all within us praise His holy name. 


Christ is the Lord! O Praise His name forever.


His power and glory ever more proclaim! 

Loving God with ALL Your Heart

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. ~ Luke 10:27

When I first shared this verse with Nella we talked about each "part" of us that is instructed to love God… our heart, our soul, our strength, and our minds.  I love the way The Message says it, "all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence.  What does it mean to love God with all of these things?  My first thought of the heart is how it is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9).  I also think about how our words, what comes out of our mouths, and all we do reveals the condition of our heart (Luke 6:45), which if we think about what we say and do sometimes, it seems much less than honorable before God.  Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts (above all else) because it is the wellspring of life.  Our hearts can be the storehouse of good, but also of evil.  They can be filled with light, peace, love and compassion; but also calloused, dulled and far from God.  The good news, however, is the solution provided through Christ to our "heart problem".  If we are going to love the Lord our God with all our heart, we first need Christ to change our heart!  This has had a great impact on how we view the disciplining of our children.  Discipline should be centered on more than just changing the behavior… it should be centered around leading our children to the cross, where there is change in the heart.  Tedd Tripp, author of Shepherding A Child's Heart, says it like this:

"You see, then, how heart attitudes direct behavior.  It is always true.  All behavior is linked to some attitude of the heart.  Therefore, discipline must address attitudes of the heart.  This understanding does marvelous things for discipline.  It makes the heart the issue, not just the behavior.  It focuses correction on deeper things than changed behavior.  The point of confrontation is what is occurring in the heart.  Your concern is to unmask your child's sin, helping them to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed.  That leads to the cross of Christ.  It underscores the need for a Savior.  It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin."

I see the link between the attitude of my heart and my behavior so clearly in my own life.  And I am beyond words, grateful for the meaning of the cross to my life.  And so, Paul's prayer for the church of Ephesus in Ephesians 3:16-18 is my greatest prayer for my children: "I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grown down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love it."  

God, you are so gracious to me.  I am so unworthy of the great depths of your love for me, yet I am called your own, your daughter.  Thank you.

Sharing is a Sacrifice

Do no forget to do good to others and to SHARE what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.  Hebrews 13:16

My oldest sister and her crew of three little ones will be filling our tiny home to the brim this coming week!  We will be going from "tiny home, BIG love" to "MEGA love"!  I am so excited about squeezing in together.  Our family is close!  We love being together and relishing every sweet minute of time God gives us.  I am looking forward to time with my sister, nieces and nephew…. letting the kids play, sounds of laughter (and crying, without a doubt), long talks with my big sister about life and the Lord.  There is little else in the world that brings me more pleasure than time with the ones I love!   Yes, there will be a lot of fun, but one thing is for sure…. there will be some cousin "sharing" issues.  And it's safe to say, most of them will have my two year old in the center of the fuss.  

"What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine."  Sound familiar?  Maybe you've heard it used by a woman directed toward her husband (in a joking way, of course).  Well, I have discovered that this is also the mentality of a toddler.  Teaching your little one to share is a tough task.  You talk about it with her and practice it together in your home, but when you are at your play date and it's time to put it into practice in the "toddler real world" it all flies out the window!  So when I found this week's verse in the Bible, it was ground-breaking!  The Bible says to share!  This is one of those treasures in Scripture that I could not have come across at a better time.  This is a great week to learn this verse and have it on our hearts and minds!

But while teaching your child to share is a tough task, I think it is a great task for us to learn as adults.  No matter how "spiritual" or "good" we may think we are (which, we truly are neither)… by nature we are totally selfish.  I openly admit that about myself.  There are just certain things I have a hard time sharing.  For example…. ice cream.  Long story, short version:  I selfishly ate the rest of the ice cream one night when Ken had already said he wanted some.  It was totally wrong of me.  All I could say for myself was that once I started eating it, I couldn't stop… it was so yummy!  Sorry babe!  That is a silly example, but if we really think about it, it is not always easy to do good for  others or to share the things we love the most.  It is most difficult when there is a cost involved, a personal inconvenience, when it isn't comfortable, or especially when it involves giving up something we feel entitled to.  In Hebrews 13:16 the Lord is telling us that doing good and sharing is a sacrifice.  A sacrifice never came without a cost…. something has to be given up in order to sacrifice.  There is a cost in putting others before yourself.  And the cost is your selfishness.

If you are a believer in Christ, verse 15 comes with great news!  It says that we offer God sacrifices of praise, not through our own power, but "through Jesus".  It is something we can not do on our own.  It is not something always natural for our children that they will always do on their own.  But through Christ we can!  I am excited to teach my daughter and nieces this sweet truth… that sharing and doing good makes God smile AND when it is not easy to do it on our own, we can rely on Him!  

Little Ears

Lately it has been pressed on my heart that my little ones are listening and watching all I say and do.  To think back on your words and tone throughout the day, a lot of truth can be revealed.  What is your attitude towards your husband?  your children?  meeting the needs of others?  Sometimes mine really stinks!  And when it stinks, it also weighs me down.  Anytime I've lost all patience or feel angry, it is an awful feeling!  And the worst part is how it permeates throughout our whole home, changing the tone and moods of all of us.  As I've thought about how infectious my bad attitude is, I've come to admit that my attitude definitely needs some adjusting.  I really struggle with that a lot… a good attitude, patience, understanding, forgiveness.  I want my words to show love, grace and speak His name.  That is one of the main reasons, as I have shared before, for teaching and memorizing Scripture with my family.  The more we learn and store it in our hearts, it is amazing how God brings that up in the right moments.  It is through the Word being alive in us, that the Holy Spirit can overcome our bad attitudes and bring forth sweet words filled with His love, His patience and His heart.  This week's verse is a guard to what we hear.  

"There is no one like you, O Lord,

and there is no God but you,

as we have heard with our own ears."

1 Chronicles 17:20

To even begin and explain the divinity of God, his sovereignty, holiness, omnipotence, self-existence is beyond what I am equipped to do… for that I will refer you to read The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer and, especially, to spend time in the Word.  But, yes, we must teach our little ones that there is no one like our Lord and there is no God but Him!  We have heard this!  We know it is true!  We know he is majestic and powerful… we must pass it on to our children.  Those words should flow from our mouths into their sweet little ears daily.  Let them know however you can that He is great!  When you are in the car together or taking a walk, point out His creation… He made everything, even them!  My favorite Psalm, 139 says: "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.  I know that full well."  We are wonderfully made because of our Creator… because He is wonderful and there is no one like Him, no God but Him.

I have to ask myself: What am I filling my own ears with?  or even my eyes?  Growing closer with Christ is a transformation, the process of your mind being renewed (Romans 12:2).  If we can pinpoint what is keeping our focus from Him, we should be quick to remove it.  After all, it will overflow from us into the ears of our children.  My prayer for myself (and you) is that I will speak more of the Lord in our home.  That I will tell my children everyday that there is no one like God.  That my lips will praise Him.  That He will be the foundation and center of our lives, first in everything.  That my attitude will be a reflection of the grace and forgiveness I have experienced and received from Him.  And that I will handle every situation with more grace every day as I hide myself more in Him.

No Fear

I am obviously late posting our memory verse for the week!  It's been a busy start of the week and I'm just finding the time to sit down and share.  This week's verse really fell into my lap.  Last week, my daughter went to Vacation Bible School at my in-law's church.  On the last night, she brought home all of her crafts from the week.  They were so sweet!  After she went to bed that night, I placed them as centerpieces and decorations in our dining room.  The next morning she was so excited to see everything I had displayed.  She pointed at one of the crafts and nearly said the entire verse!  She jumbled up some words and forgot a few as well, so I decided this should be the next verse we work on.  

The verse is Joshua 1:9 (shortened and paraphrased for a little one).  

"Be strong. Do not be afraid.  God is with you."

This verse is actually very applicable to Nella.  Lately, she has expressed fear in certain situations… from petting farm animals, letting us let go of her in the pool, and going down the slide to refusing to get her shoes out of her closet because she thinks there is a monster.  We were truly perplexed about where she heard about monsters in the closet!  She blames it on her cousin… who denies it… it's been a hilarious conversation over Skype.  Very much like her mother, she "plays it safe".  In contrast, her daddy is a risk taker.  This difference has always seemed to balance my husband and me.  At times I am a voice of caution to him, while he is so great at helping me step out of my comfort zone when it really is best.  

We are working with Nella on this… and I really think I continually need work in this area, too.  We have to learn to control our thought life and think on TRUTH, trusting in the Lord and his presence in our life, relying on his strength and power that is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).  I have struggled with this before and during those times have remembered Philippians 4:8-9:

" Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.  Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized.  Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (The Message)

My prayer is that we will not let fear or worry govern our thoughts and our life, but that we will rejoice, even in the middle of suffering and trials, because we have been set free from that bondage through Christ our Lord.  There is freedom in Christ.

Why Do We Love?

Nella memorized her first Bible verse last week!  It is most definitely the sweetest collection of words to ever come out of her mouth… even in comparison to "I love you, Mommy".  There is something about her sweet, squeaky voice saying she loves the Lord that brings me (and, especially, our Father) great joy!  She is also very excited to share what she has learned with her daddy, who has been on a mission trip in South Africa and Mozambique for almost two weeks.  It will be a great surprise for him when he returns.

I saw the greatest commercial the other day.  It is not often that we have a TV on and even more rare that it keeps my attention with littles ones,  but I feel that God intentionally placed that commercial in front of me.  It was a scene of a little boy playing dodge ball in a gym while his mom is hovering in front of him protecting him from all the balls flying his way.  She is shouting with great determination, "Don't worry, honey, mommy is here!… I'll protect you".  It was completely comical and absolutely true of how I feel about my children. I want to dodge balls for them! Isn't it true that as parents we want to protect our child and rescue them from anything that might hurt them?!  And of course, we should have that desire.  That is part of our responsibility as parents.  But isn't it also true that there will be times when we can't be there right in time to save them?  Sadly, to a parent's heart, that is true, too.  Remember your little one's first fall… scraped knee… blood?   The first time they were really sick?  You just want to take it from them!  It is the most helpless feeling as a parent.  Seeing your child hurting or in pain is hard to bare. 

I feel like God is teaching me so much through that commercial… I could really go in many directions explaining what He revealed through that.  But what is on my heart now, is how it relates to my prayer for the verses I am teaching my child.   It is my prayer for her as we continue to learn what God's Word says that she will store up Truth in her heart so that one day, in the future, when she is walking through a season of trial and turmoil, trying to dodge all the balls flying her way (because we all go through those seasons) that she will find peace and refuge in Christ. 

I am really excited about this week's verse!  After professing last week our love for the Lord and learning that he hears us, I want to stay along the lines of love.  This weeks verse is 1 John 4:19:

"We love because he first loved us."

Left to ourselves, to our flesh, our love is so flawed…much of the time conditional… it really isn't love at all!  We choose to give it and we choose to take it away.  But, if you are a believer in Christ Jesus and the finished work of the cross that covers all our sin and shame… you have experienced LOVE!  Extravagant, sacrificial, perfect, unconditional, patient, forgiving, complete agape LOVE!  While we were sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. (John 15:12).  It is through, not only His example, but through HIM that we love.  Because He, God, is love.  (1 John 4:16b)  We love because we have experienced God's love for us and it compels us to share it with others, to love others, even when we don't want to or when it is hard… that is where we find our need for Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to love through us-when it is hard.

Along with teaching Nella this verse, I am also going to read in small sections and talk about the latter half of 1 John 4.  If you have decided to join me in my "Summer Resolution" to teach and memorize scripture with your children, I would love to hear from you!  

A Summer Resolution

Lately I've noticed my daughter's conversations becoming continual… all day is one great, big conversation between the two of us.  It is the greatest joy and entertainment to hear her express herself now that she is becoming more vocal.  She totally cracks me up, sometimes we are both cracking up.  Toddlers are truly so cute!  Her silliness brings my husband and I countless smiles and consumes much of our conversation in the evenings after the house is quiet and it's just the two of us.  When we get on a roll talking about all of their cuteness, we usually end up sneaking into their room and watching them sleep… I know that might sound weird, but is so sweet to us!  If you have children or even a special niece, nephew or sweet little one in your life, I'm sure you can relate.  

It is amazing how they pick up on things… and a little scary, too.  My daughter has even became increasingly better at memorizing books and singing songs.  I feel that with this developmental growth spurt God is urging me to begin teaching her to memorize scripture.  So this is my new adventure and first chance since becoming a mom to get into my "teacher mode" from back in the day.  I know I have been the role of "teacher" to her all through her life, but this is getting serious… like get out the markers, card stock, scissors, and glue to make a bulletin board kind-of-serious!  It all started this morning when I was catching up on one of my favorite blogs.  It was so clear…  God is leading me to further how I am sowing the seeds of his Word into her heart!  I am so excited!  So I immediately stopped and said, "Nella, it's time to get the Bible out!"  She set off for hers in one direction and I went for mine in the other.  When we met back in the living room she asked, "We read the Bible, mommy?" And I said, "We are going to speak the Bible."  Before you could snap a finger, I was thumbing through my textbook (The Bible)  looking for the right verse to start with.    The verse I chose for this week is: 

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice." Psalm 116:1a

I wrestled between this one and a few others, but I felt it was clear why God led me here.  First, I want my children to love the Lord.  It is something Ken and I pray for them fervently.  Second, I want them to know He hears us!  What a great truth for a little one to grasp.  We have been modeling and teaching Nella to pray for several months now.  It has been such a joy to hear her prayers grow!  We both want her to speak to the Lord from her heart and love hearing what she comes up with… from, "thank you for my taco" to "I love you Jesus".  It is endearing!  But, now I want her to know that those are not words she is throwing into thin air.  God hears her gratitude and heart.  

I hope you can use this mess of a plan I have devised to join me in teaching our children Truth.  My goal is to teach her (and myself) one verse from scripture every week.  Being a little more "teacher-y" I color coded the words, in attempt for her to learn "concept of a word".  I put them on card stock and taped on a door in the kitchen where it is BIG and visible throughout the day.  I also put the verse on a notecard and taped it to my dash so that while we are in the car we can talk about it and practice saying it.  And… I came up with a  song.  My husband will looove this detail!  I will only sing it for her, but she really got into it when I started singing.  She was a little aloof while I was asking her to repeat each word after me, but when I starting singing it was as if a trance came over her and she became interested.  Since I have been slack about my blog lately, I am going to try to form a habit of posting our weekly verse.  I'm excited to teach my children God's word and hope you are encouraged to do this with your little one(s), too!  

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil…Therefore take up the whole armor of God… fasten on the belt of truth, put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith… and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."  ---Ephesians 6: 10, 13-17

This House is a Wreck!

This was my living room Monday afternoon!  The engraved image of Ralph Northington's* trailer stands out to me, complete with a pant-less toddler who likes to "cheese"!  I know you may be wondering who Ralph Northington is.  Long story- short version: my dad** used the phrase, "It looks like Ralph Northington's trailer in here!" to describe my messy room when I was growing up.  Ralph was a guy he knew in college whose trailer was in such an uproar that my dad had to stand on a mountain of clothes just to use the bathroom… that might be too much information, sorry.  Anyway, when I think of messes, I think of Ralph.

I feel compelled to share this with you so that if you, like me, have piles of unfolded laundry, dirty dishes, and toys strewn from one end of the house to another could be encouraged and feel NORMAL!  If this is not an occasional, or possibly daily, snapshot of your home, please don't tell me… especially since I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and need to be reminded often, very often, that it is okay and typical of a mother with little ones.  I will be honest.  When I look at this sight, my first reaction is, "Quick, get the babies down for a nap and hop to it!" When this thought crosses my mind I hear the Lord reminding me that a living room in this kind of shape only means I have my focus where it should be, my family, and I need to let it go for now***.  After all, my living room looks this way because I have a sick 5 month old and a sorta, kinda potty-training (almost) two year old who I believe likes to frequent the potty to muster something up (or out) for another m&m rather than for the goal of furthering her independence!  And to be really real with you, life with two (especially two so close together) verses one has shaken up my world a bit. 

I think back to my time at home with Nella her first year.  We had such a sweet routine.  After Ken left in the morning, I would bring her to bed with me and we would go back to sleep for a few hours (and by a few hours I mean until 10:00!).  She was so easy going and fell into a routine with ease.  She was sleeping through the night at 7 weeks!  And then my little buddy came along, who is still waking up through the night.  Like I did with his sister, I bring him to bed with me in the early hours of the morning, but our time snuggling is short lived by shouts for mommy.  And then my feet hit the floor.  I am more sleep deprived than I have ever been and have my hands full!  There are many days when I feel like I cannot get it all done, despite all my effort.  Some days I feel like all I have done is change diapers, nurse, hold, rock, clean the high chair and… repeat.  I remember not long ago crying (it might seem I cry a lot by my blogs) to Ken, "This is the hardest job I have ever had… but I love it.  I love it so much and it brings me so much joy all at once, but it is hard.  It never ends."   It never ends? I know, duh! Quite a revelation once I'm already two babies in.  

So when I have those days, I am reminded of a couple things:

First, It is not up to me to do it all…I simply cannot.  I need two things: first the Lord and, second, my husband.  Then together, Ken and I have to rely on the source of greatest strength, God, when it comes to raising our children and anything else God calls us to.  Check out Philippians 4:13.  I believe this verse is referring to the need for strength in circumstances of great need, despair, even that of persecution- as it was for Paul, imprisoned- where the outcome of the strength received from God will be to glorify Christ.   Leading our children to Christ and discipling them definitely requires His strength and guidance.  We also have to rely on his Word as the instruction book.

Secondly, I must lay myself aside to care for the needs of my family.  This is called humility: considering others over yourself.  The world says, "worship yourself, live for you."  God says, "Humble yourself and serve."  I am not saying that I don't need time for "me" or that I should let myself go, but life just isn't about "Macie" anymore.  And I am so thankful for that.  Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."  Being a wife and mother has taught me a lot about humility, leading me out of a life of selfishness.  It is not about me.  It is about serving Christ through serving and loving others.  I always come back to Philippians 2.  The most beautiful picture of the humility of Christ and our call to imitate it.  He came to us, God, Creator, worthy of praise and honor for He is King.  Yet he made himself nothing and became a servant (verse 7), trading His righteousness for shame, my shame.  Where did Christians get off track expecting a relationship with Christ to equal a life of abundant blessing and prosperity, where we sit back and reap all the benefits?  I am not saying there are not blessings from the Lord because they are countless, but they also don't always equal riches and an easy life.  I think too often we are in "it" (a relationship with Christ) to get something out of it for ourselves, rather than to serve Christ through humbling ourselves, spreading the gospel and loving others in his Name.  If he humbled himself, shouldn't we?  (Matthew 10:24)  

And the solution?  Do everything for Him!  There will always be distractions in our lives trying to take our focus off where it needs to be.  I have learned and am often reminded that my focus as a wife and mother should be on my family.  But, above all, I have learned that God first wants my focus to be on Him.  If I look to Him first, everything else falls into place.  When I do all things for Him, in His name, it brings greater joy because I love the Lord.  I love him more than anyone or anything.  That loves transcends into a great desire to be obedient to Him.  Obedient to him when it means laying myself aside to take care of my family and relying on Him to give me strength everyday, especially those hard days. 

I have to be clear, my days with two little ones are sometimes long and hard, but, more than that, they are full of love and joy that I have never experienced before.  If you have moments like this, where you feel everything is falling out from under you and you are disappointed in your attitude, please know there is grace.  Simply choose to look to Him and rely on Him.  I am thankful that I can be so honest with Him, the One who knows the depths of my heart, and receive His forgiveness and grace.  So, thank you God for this messy living room that reminds me of my mess of a self and my need for You more everyday.  

*Ralph, I'm sorry if you read this.  I hope you have cleaned up things.

**Dad: I love your college stories.  Ken and I use the "Ralph" expression a lot!

***I have to say, "thank you" to my sweet husband who came home, told me to get out of the house for a while and cleaned up the mess, folded the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, etc.  I am second guessing my results from the "5 Love Languages" quiz (which we did take years ago).  I think my love language might be "acts of service" because you made me feel so loved  when you did that.  I love you!

Our Souvenirs

I found this entry that I wrote in early December 2011 and think it fits perfectly with the title of my blog.  I wrote it after a sweet and emotional date with my husband (and the kiddos-- not sure if that still makes it a date?) I had a hard day and Ken said I needed to get out of the house- who would argue with that?!  Because it was last minute and we didn't have a babysitter, we took Nella & Silas, too!  He knows me so well... It was a wonderful and much needed night!  On our way to dinner we were listening to a song by Switchfoot called, "Souvenirs" and related to it so well.  We talked about how this time in our life is passing swiftly and questioned if we were truly soaking up each precious moment.  Although our lack of space is a source of frustration sometimes, God always reminds us of how blessed we are… not in a material way because that is not lasting and has no eternal value, but blessed to know Christ and to have children, His children, that He has entrusted to us to share His love with and disciple.  And we resolved that we wouldn't trade this time for anything.

From the sight of first smiles that lead to endless giggles to tiny handprints smeared on the refrigerator, I am reminded of the presence of little ones in our home.  These sweet reminders bring us so much joy.  There are moments when a two bedroom home doesn't seem like it provides enough "space" for a growing family of four.  But, really, why would we need more space?  It would only mean that we would be spread further apart.  It would eliminate the need for sound machines (and there are many) and strategic maneuvers to avoid the creaks in the hardwoods while babies are sleeping.  It would mean that all the toys would be neatly organized, or at least contained in the playroom where we could shut the doors, leaving them out of sight and our "living room" uncluttered.  Really, what is the fun in that?  When I sit back and think about what the toys strung throughout the house and sound machines truly represent, I realize how much I love this season of life.  There is such a sweetness in knowing that all this represents life, growing life, in our home.  I am so thankful, thankful to the Lord, for my family and my home.  I know one day Ken and I will look back at our time in this house and remember the times of bringing home babies from the hospital, afternoons of us all playing and laughing together on our bed, cramming a Christmas tree into our living room/ toy room and we will wonder where all that time went.  We won't think about how small it was, but how it perfectly held us all and kept us close together in proximity and, especially, love.  I guess we will conclude that life was happening, just as it always is, all around us, not lasting forever.  And we will tuck all of those sweet memories in our hearts, our souvenirs.  

Switchfoot's "Souvenirs"

She's Not a Baby Anymore

Nella loves her daddy to the moon.  He loves her to the moon and back.  Since our little girl was born, she and her daddy have had a special bond.  I know it is so strong because Ken has always been very hands-on with our children.  In fact, I remember Nella was 5 days old when I changed her first diaper.  I smile thinking about how nervous I was the first time I changed her, while Ken never winced through the first five days of changing her.  In fact, it was like there was no such thing as dirty diapers in my world until the fifth day when I found myself alone with her for the first time.  He also is a pro at giving our babies baths.  He is known to correct my technique when I seldom bathe them.  For example, there is a very specific way to rinse Nella's hair.  Usually in a rush, I have been known to get water in her eyes while Ken calmly talks her through it saying, "Who's got Nella?" to which she replies in a shaky voice, "Daddy do."  I have stollen this technique from him and it has surprisingly helped me out during bath time!  

Tonight I was thinking about our bed time routine.  For the first year of Nella's life, I put her to bed.  As a nursing mother, you are the the key to bed time.  It was when Nella stopped nursing that Ken took over that role.  And now that we have another baby, who is nursing, Ken has continued getting Nella to bed.  He does pajamas, reads her a few books and tucks her in almost every night.  Tonight was different.  We traded dishes for bed time.  I do like to sneak in and tuck her in every now and then.  Plus, Ken knows how much I despise unloading the dishwasher… a chore I save for him and that he sweetly does without complaining on a daily basis.  

Back to the story, Nella loves for me to sing to her ( I know, shocking for those who have heard me sing).  After reading her the Easter Story I sang, "Jesus Loves Me" a few times before kissing her goodnight.  I left her as we do every night tucked in under her covers in her "big girl" bed.  Then about an hour later I snuck in their room to rock and nurse Silas before laying him down.  While I am nursing Silas I hear Nella's heavy breaths as she sleeps.  Sometimes as I listen to her I thank God for each breath.  Literally saying after each breath I hear, "Thank you Lord for that breath".   After I put him in his crib I always peek at Nella and cover her back up.  I laugh trying to figure out in the dark which direction she is facing.  She is usually laying at the foot of the bed or across the bed, always uncovered.  Tonight she was in the same position as when I laid her down: Head on her pillow, blankie in arms, under the covers!  

And it hit me… she's not a baby anymore.  She went from a baby to a little girl in an instant.  She no longer looked like she did when she slept in her crib, but actually was sleeping like a little girl sleeps in her bed.  So what did I do?  Cry.  Went back to our bedroom, laid on Ken's chest and cried.  As he always does, he held me.  Then my crying was interrupted with Silas crying so I went back in their room to rock some more.   As I rocked him I began thanking God for the sweetness of babies and children.  I had told Nella when we read the Easter Story tonight, "The women saw the tomb was open and Jesus was not there.  Do you know why?  Because he said he would rise and he did!  Nella, because he is Lord!"  ( The book didn't say that, but I like to change the words of a book when I read to her) And as I thought about Him, Jesus, being Lord and faithful in his word, I thought about his faithfulness to us.  I thought about the indescribable love I have for my children.  And I was reminded that I am God's child.  And he loves me!  Me!  Really, me?  Yes!  Me!  And I wanted to cry!  This great love I have for my children, cannot even compare to the vastness of His love for me.  I wanted to fall to my knees, put my face on the ground, and weep.  Because He is so good and I am not.  I am so unworthy.  

It is amazing how God shows himself through our children.  The aches of great love we feel for them.  The pain we feel when they run into the door, misjudging a corner (true story… from this week) or when they hurt in any way.  The joy we feel when they giggle, I mean from the gut giggle.  There have been times when Ken and I cry listening to the sweetness of Nella's laugh.  And those are only a few of the many ways that God reveals himself to us and relates to us.  It is such a mystery.  So beautiful.   I am His.  I am in awe.