This was my living room Monday afternoon! The engraved image of Ralph Northington's* trailer stands out to me, complete with a pant-less toddler who likes to "cheese"! I know you may be wondering who Ralph Northington is. Long story- short version: my dad** used the phrase, "It looks like Ralph Northington's trailer in here!" to describe my messy room when I was growing up. Ralph was a guy he knew in college whose trailer was in such an uproar that my dad had to stand on a mountain of clothes just to use the bathroom… that might be too much information, sorry. Anyway, when I think of messes, I think of Ralph.
I feel compelled to share this with you so that if you, like me, have piles of unfolded laundry, dirty dishes, and toys strewn from one end of the house to another could be encouraged and feel NORMAL! If this is not an occasional, or possibly daily, snapshot of your home, please don't tell me… especially since I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist and need to be reminded often, very often, that it is okay and typical of a mother with little ones. I will be honest. When I look at this sight, my first reaction is, "Quick, get the babies down for a nap and hop to it!" When this thought crosses my mind I hear the Lord reminding me that a living room in this kind of shape only means I have my focus where it should be, my family, and I need to let it go for now***. After all, my living room looks this way because I have a sick 5 month old and a sorta, kinda potty-training (almost) two year old who I believe likes to frequent the potty to muster something up (or out) for another m&m rather than for the goal of furthering her independence! And to be really real with you, life with two (especially two so close together) verses one has shaken up my world a bit.
I think back to my time at home with Nella her first year. We had such a sweet routine. After Ken left in the morning, I would bring her to bed with me and we would go back to sleep for a few hours (and by a few hours I mean until 10:00!). She was so easy going and fell into a routine with ease. She was sleeping through the night at 7 weeks! And then my little buddy came along, who is still waking up through the night. Like I did with his sister, I bring him to bed with me in the early hours of the morning, but our time snuggling is short lived by shouts for mommy. And then my feet hit the floor. I am more sleep deprived than I have ever been and have my hands full! There are many days when I feel like I cannot get it all done, despite all my effort. Some days I feel like all I have done is change diapers, nurse, hold, rock, clean the high chair and… repeat. I remember not long ago crying (it might seem I cry a lot by my blogs) to Ken, "This is the hardest job I have ever had… but I love it. I love it so much and it brings me so much joy all at once, but it is hard. It never ends." It never ends? I know, duh! Quite a revelation once I'm already two babies in.
So when I have those days, I am reminded of a couple things:
First, It is not up to me to do it all…I simply cannot. I need two things: first the Lord and, second, my husband. Then together, Ken and I have to rely on the source of greatest strength, God, when it comes to raising our children and anything else God calls us to. Check out Philippians 4:13. I believe this verse is referring to the need for strength in circumstances of great need, despair, even that of persecution- as it was for Paul, imprisoned- where the outcome of the strength received from God will be to glorify Christ. Leading our children to Christ and discipling them definitely requires His strength and guidance. We also have to rely on his Word as the instruction book.
Secondly, I must lay myself aside to care for the needs of my family. This is called humility: considering others over yourself. The world says, "worship yourself, live for you." God says, "Humble yourself and serve." I am not saying that I don't need time for "me" or that I should let myself go, but life just isn't about "Macie" anymore. And I am so thankful for that. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Being a wife and mother has taught me a lot about humility, leading me out of a life of selfishness. It is not about me. It is about serving Christ through serving and loving others. I always come back to Philippians 2. The most beautiful picture of the humility of Christ and our call to imitate it. He came to us, God, Creator, worthy of praise and honor for He is King. Yet he made himself nothing and became a servant (verse 7), trading His righteousness for shame, my shame. Where did Christians get off track expecting a relationship with Christ to equal a life of abundant blessing and prosperity, where we sit back and reap all the benefits? I am not saying there are not blessings from the Lord because they are countless, but they also don't always equal riches and an easy life. I think too often we are in "it" (a relationship with Christ) to get something out of it for ourselves, rather than to serve Christ through humbling ourselves, spreading the gospel and loving others in his Name. If he humbled himself, shouldn't we? (Matthew 10:24)
And the solution? Do everything for Him! There will always be distractions in our lives trying to take our focus off where it needs to be. I have learned and am often reminded that my focus as a wife and mother should be on my family. But, above all, I have learned that God first wants my focus to be on Him. If I look to Him first, everything else falls into place. When I do all things for Him, in His name, it brings greater joy because I love the Lord. I love him more than anyone or anything. That loves transcends into a great desire to be obedient to Him. Obedient to him when it means laying myself aside to take care of my family and relying on Him to give me strength everyday, especially those hard days.
I have to be clear, my days with two little ones are sometimes long and hard, but, more than that, they are full of love and joy that I have never experienced before. If you have moments like this, where you feel everything is falling out from under you and you are disappointed in your attitude, please know there is grace. Simply choose to look to Him and rely on Him. I am thankful that I can be so honest with Him, the One who knows the depths of my heart, and receive His forgiveness and grace. So, thank you God for this messy living room that reminds me of my mess of a self and my need for You more everyday.
*Ralph, I'm sorry if you read this. I hope you have cleaned up things.
**Dad: I love your college stories. Ken and I use the "Ralph" expression a lot!
***I have to say, "thank you" to my sweet husband who came home, told me to get out of the house for a while and cleaned up the mess, folded the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, etc. I am second guessing my results from the "5 Love Languages" quiz (which we did take years ago). I think my love language might be "acts of service" because you made me feel so loved when you did that. I love you!
